Blonde Antithesis

In light of my anniversary – almost two decades…ouch! – I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers, by any means, but I guess I can share some things that I’ve learned, most often the hard way…

So, today I was thinking back to how difficult it was when my kids were little.  I’ve often said that having a newborn and a toddler in the same house is…well, it’s exhausting.  There are seasons in life – and dealing with children, at any stage, can take a toll on the most important relationship under the roof:  your marriage.

I think, as mothers, we often feel a little guilty if we let our little ones think for even a moment that they aren’t the “main attraction”.  Don’t get me wrong, a newborn will always be the center of attention – as they should be – but this is a “season”.  The danger is when, as our children grow, we don’t nurture our husbands with the same attention and care as we do our children.

When my four kids were little – my youngest is now seven, so he still qualifies in my book – but, when they were all little…and being home schooled – and I was at home with them ALL DAY…EVERY DAY, I had to fight the tendency to meet Byron at the door with “his kids” that were now “his problem” since he had had the good fortune to sit in an office with adults all day….no doubt listening to soothing jazz music and eating fabulous, exotic foods whilst someone fanned him with palm frans…but I digress.

Anyway, I had to discipline myself to understand that he had his own set of stresses, and the most important thing to do when we came back together at the end of the day, was to love him…to love him enough to put him first.  And, at the same time, teach my children that putting my marriage first was also for their benefit as well.  After all, loving their dad is loving them….

…and love wins.

So, the more stressful your day has been – whether working at home, or outside the home – try a different kind of stress reduction.  Just when he expects to get the laundry list of your day, surprise him:  smile, listen, speak softly, pay attention to what he needs in that moment, make him feel safe….put him first.

And, husbands, just imagine how the evening could be if you returned the favor.

Your kids may not thank you in that moment…kids can be like that – but, someday they will.

Just something that was on my mind today…

Peace.