So, I haven’t really slept in a few days… In part because I’m a highly successful insomniac…and an even more successful procrastinator!
You see, I’m going to be a grandmother in a little over a month…and I can understand why the “traditional” grandma – the stereotype – is some old lady rocking in a rocking chair with nothing to do all day but bake cookies and knit and say kind-hearted things with a twinkle in her eye…
I, by contrast, decide to make my grandson a quilt…TWO DAYS BEFORE HIS SHOWER!!
I , by comparison, am full of creative ideas…only at 3 in the morning…whilst watching “Yukon Men”.
I , on the other hand, spend hours every day sitting on the practice field trying desperately to learn about football…whilst trying to stay cool…or dry.
I , unlike aforementioned “Grandma”, have to do laundry at midnight because it’s all I can do during daylight hours to keep the boys practice clothes clean from day to day…and the rest of the family really does like having at least one pair of clean underwear, for some reason.
And did I mention I decided to make a quilt…
So, this week has been like every other in the sense that I feel barely able to keep my head above water…the “water” representing all of us drowning in a sea of dirty laundry and dishes…and fast food every single day because I forgot to cook in my sleep deprived state….
It’s basically been like every other, this fall…except for a few differences…
It’s just like every other week except for the fact that Ashley turned 20 on Thursday…meanwhile, Nate had a game, Ethan had practice and since I locked the car keys in the car she had to come back from celebrating her birthday with her friends to bring keys to her stranded family…
Did I mention she was across town, had bought tickets…..yeah, Sorry Ashley!!
(I bet the “Yukon Men’s” wives never lock their keys in their cars…or snow mobile…or whatever!)
It’s just like every other week except for the fact that at the end of Nate’s football game I had to watch as some big player on the other team run for a touchdown with MY SON being the only thing between him and the goal line!! Of course, I should have been more worried about the other player, because Nate ran toward the “speeding train” and simply threw the guy to the ground! TOOK HIM DOWN…TO CHINA TOWN!!
…but can I just say that it’s really unfair to me in my “grandmotherly state” to almost give me a heart attack like that!
It’s just like every other week except for the fact that Kayleigh & Barry’s baby shower (for the soon-to-be-arriving TRUETT JAMES) was this morning…a Saturday morning…
…and did I mention that I decided to make a quilt??
(Of course, “Yukon Men” was especially riveting at 1 am as I was wondering why I always have the most brilliant ideas…about a month later than I should really be having them, but I digress…)
The shower was beautiful! Everything was wonderful…
Then, I raced across town to see Ethan play in his football game…
(more celebrating my children being involved in near-death experiences on a weekly basis…but, again, I digress…)
It was like every other week except for the fact that instead of actually teaching the kids how to play ball, the opposing team’s coaches taught their players that if they can get our team involved in an altercation, the officials will call the game a loss for BOTH TEAMS. This doesn’t really matter to that particular Pop-Warner team because they haven’t won a game all season…
But Ethan’s team is undefeated!
So, again, I was sitting in the stands having to control myself from going all “Madea” on everyone as the other teams players literally grabbed our teams face masks and proceeded to pound their heads into the turf…all in an attempt to get a reaction…
Can I just say that they did get a reaction!! (…digressing…..)
Anyway, it was so bad that the officials ended up stopping the game and declaring Ethan’s Team (Avalon Wolves) the winner (we were winning 26 to zero, so it’s not like they did them a favor, though) because of such severe “unsportsman-like conduct”.
(Can I just say that those refs did do someone a favor…THE OTHER TEAM!!…because I’m completely sleep-deprived, my hot pink shirt to “Save the Ta-Ta’s” was completely soaked in sweat, I’m going to be a grandma and I don’t get to sit and knit…I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO KNIT…and somebody was fixin’ to call the Po-Po on me if they had let that nonsense continue…)
So, yeah, I’m smack-dab in the middle of La-La Land.
And can I just say…I LOVE IT!
But, don’t call me “Grandma”…it’s rather misleading.
Just call me “Lolly”, and unless I find a rocking chair somewhere and learn to knit really fast, I’ll answer.