Blonde Antithesis

Okay, so that’s a weird title, but that’s how I’ve been feeling all day: Foggy - and even more foggy than my usual blonde/fog self.

I tried to sleep last night - I really did. I even took some homeopathic sleep stuff (might be contributing to the fogginess). But about three hours was all I could manage. So, after getting all the kids off to school, I told Byron, “I’ve got a ton to do, but I’m just gonna lie down for half an hour or so…”

Somewhere around 11:45 he came in and checked on me - then, by the time I got moving and ready for the day it was time to get the kids…

We got a Christmas tree after the second car line - began supper - unpacked more Christmas decorations…

and here I am. in a fog. blogging. foggy blogging.

So, this hasn’t been my most productive day, but hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish more tonight and tomorrow since I got some rest this morning…hopefully.

I love the smell of a real tree. I think I’ll try stringing real popcorn this year. I think I’ll bake some of my Oma’s braided bread. I think I’ll knit a sweater…just kidding, I don’t know how to knit. Maybe I’ll take a knitting class…

The problem is that the minute Christmas is over, I have no use for all of these domestic activities - Baking in January just isn’t the same! And knitting!! It would end up just like the “Christmas quilt” that I’ve been working on for 15 years…

I think I’ll work on my quilt…where is that thing?

Oh well, I’m no Martha Stewart, but that pretty much goes without saying…

I wonder if Sugar Boy will try to eat the popcorn off the tree? Martha Stewart would know…and she’d probably knit him a beautiful sweater, too.

Okay, now I’m beginning to feel pretty insecure about my domestic inadequacies…I kind of stink! I’m starting to have evil thoughts toward people who knit, and finish their Christmas quilts, and don’t ever sleep ’til noon, and can always find matching socks, and never possibly poison their purse dogs with improperly strung popcorn! And never participate in foggy blogging!!!

I’m gonna go read a cookbook or something…

Peace and popcorn strings to you all.

It’s Thursday, and I’m tired…weary, but I woke up feeling that way.

After a morning of meetings, we spent a couple of hours in Ikea. I love Ikea, but it’s overwhelming - but I guess 300,000 plus square feet of domestic accoutrement can make you feel like you’re in Heaven and…not - at the same time.

We have another Home Team meeting tonight - last night’s was incredible. I told Byron on the way home, “We may be a smaller group than we were a year ago, but we’re stronger and more determined - you can build a church on a group of committed people like that!”…and we are. And tonight, I know, we’ll be inspired and encouraged again.

But, still, I’m weary - maybe tonight I’ll sleep more than a few hours - maybe tomorrow I’ll eat the way I should - maybe I won’t let little things stress me out or other people’s “issues” affect or offend me…maybe.

It’s a long and winding road…

Of course, even in the weariness, there’s gratefulness - a lot of gratefulness for all the reminders along the way that I’m not alone. Every friendship that has weathered the many storms of past seasons; Every loyalty - every selfless sacrifice I’ve witnessed; Every time someone chooses to put others before themselves and their own comfort; Every smile. Every tear…

There is so much to be grateful for in this journey. So I will choose to make those things my focus, and remember to breathe…(and remember Stillness’ Whispers).

When I ran “track” (Yes, I did - don’t be a hater!), I always gravitated to the short events - the sprints. When it came to the long-distance stuff, I always struggled…I would just want to give up - NO MARATHONS FOR ME!!! But, apparently, God has other plans because this “journey” is a marathon, and I have to learn to pace myself, remove hindrances, not look back, focus on the finish line and…RUN. It’s the only way to get to the other side.

And, along the way, God sends “water breaks” - friends that are like “aloe for the soul”. He also reminds me that, although my journey is personal, I’m not running alone - there are many others in this race with me. So, I pray that I’m never the “weak link”,…

I know God will give me the strength I need - beyond that, I will do my part to keep my eyes on the prize…

Thanks to all of you who continually come along side of me and lift me up. I’m grateful…tired, but grateful.

Peace.

So, the countdown has officially begun for me…

Spent some time getting some new decorations this morning…and this afternoon. Old Time Pottery is awesome for that…but it can feel a little overwhelming - just trying to remember what you need (versus what you want!) - I guess, though, when it comes to decoration it pretty much all falls into the “want” category. I just need to pace myself…

We’re meeting with all the C3 Hometeams this week and next, starting tonight…and again tomorrow night - so goes December…busy, busy. But at least Magic 107 is now playing “all Christmas music - all the time”…So, let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow…

They say there’s another “cold front” coming in - Yea! Instead of 80, maybe it will be 75. When it comes to my romanticized “December Dreams”, I’ll take whatever I can get. I even wore a sweater today…and since it was 80, it really was a sweat-er!

By the way, I love it when my six year old sings “Feliz Navidad” at the top of his lungs and butchers the Spanish…since he’s six, he can get away with it.

So, the countdown clock is ticking…loudly. But, I guess a part of me will always love the challenge of it all - I’ll just rest in January…

…oh yeah, C3 is moving to the theaters in January…well, maybe I’ll rest on Valentine’s Day.

Have a great one. Peace out.

I woke up thinking about forgiveness…or rather, my dreams reminded me of things I need to forgive…again. Dreams are funny like that - just when you think you’ve dealt with something, dreams have a way of unearthing the stuff you’ve just kind of buried.

Some people say that it’s easier to forgive than to forget, but I often feel like I can forget things…or at least put them out of my consciousness - like they never existed. But then, something will bring them back to the surface. At that point, my tendency is to just bury it again - it kind of sounds spiritual, like I’m choosing to “remember no more” the offenses against me. The problem is that burying it - putting it out of my mind can often really just be not really dealing with it…not really forgiving either.

That’s what I wanted to do this morning. I wanted to so badly…just say like Scarlett O’Hara, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” (I got my middle name from Vivien Leigh…and more than that from Scarlett, I’m afraid…”fiddle-dee-dee”)

If I just forget it, I don’t have to feel it…or forgive it either. But, Scarlett had to face the reality and brutality of war eventually…and so must I.

Mark Twain writes, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.”

That doesn’t sound very strong. But, being “crushed” is not where the strength lies. It lies in the “fragrance” that comes after the crushing - that’s the choice…that’s where the discipline is required.

Luke says:

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” (Luke 7:47)

That’s me - the one who has been forgiven over and over. So, what can I do except to do the same. Love demands it. How I forgive isn’t based on my feelings for the other person, but rather on my love for my Savior…

So, this is my journey today.

I’m unpacking Christmas boxes, and thinking about how things have changed over all the years that I’ve been unpacking these boxes…and how much I’ve changed, too.

I just need to remember that the fragrance of the violet is a reflection of the One who created it…it doesn’t have to reflect the unkindness of the one who crushes it.

A while back I wrote that “peacefulness is more beautiful than beauty that’s not at peace”…

Some things are easier to think than to do. But, the struggle will lead me home...

Peace.